According to a 2014 study in the Journal of Oral & Maxillofacial Research, approximately 74% of people possess a gag reflex. This reflex ranges from minor to intense enough to interfere with everyday activities. It can be caused by something physical like something in the mouth or a nasty smell. Or can be caused by psychological events like anxiety over a dental procedure or thoughts of something gross.
All this to say, gagging during a blow job, or even thinking about giving one, is completely normal. This also means that 26% of the population don’t have one, so it wouldn’t be out of the question to encounter someone that doesn’t gag giving a blow job. Which also means the people that don’t gag didn’t somehow come up with a way to no longer gag, they just never had the issue in the first place.
Since we now understand that it probably isn’t possible to just make a gag reflex go away, we can explore ways to minimize gagging occurrences. There are lots of ways to pleasure a penis that don’t involve putting it in your mouth far enough to set off your gag reflex. However, the best place to start is having a conversation with your partner about your concerns. (that is, if you haven’t already) Sometimes the easiest fix to a sexual concern is opening up about it with your partner. Use this conversation to discuss what specifically makes you gag and brainstorm ways to prevent it. Working together to figure things out will lead to a more enjoyable and pleasurable experience for both of you. It will help to encourage your partner to tell you the different things you do that bring him the most pleasure. Having this information handy will help provide you with options that don’t lead to you gagging.
Working together to figure things out will lead to a more enjoyable and pleasurable experience for both of you.
Pay attention the next time you brush your teeth. How far can you get your toothbrush in before you start to gag? Take note of where that is in your mouth. You can use this information to prevent from going past the point of no return during while giving a blow job. One great way to prevent the penis from going in too far is to put one or more fingers around the base. And, added bonus, you can stimulate the base of the penis with your hand. Another option is Ohnut, made by The Pelvic People. Ohnuts are stretchy, stackable rings that go on the penis to prevent deep penetration that can lead to pain for some women during sex. These would also work for blow jobs as a guide on where to stop before gagging.
If you haven’t already tried it, hold your mouth in a way that the penis goes toward the cheek instead of the throat. This can get a little tricky to avoid the potential for teeth to scrape the shaft but can be helpful to prevent gagging. If taste is a concern, consider asking your partner to wash up beforehand. Or try using a flavored lube, such as Aloe Cadabra. (not affiliated with them, it’s just really good lube) Finally, if your partner thrusts during blow jobs and it leads to you gagging, this is something to bring up during your conversation. Getting to a happy medium where you both feel good about what is going on will help increase enjoyment for each of you.
Gagging during ejaculation can be addressed in couple ways. First, if this isn’t already occurring, it is completely OK to ask your partner to let you know when he is about to ejaculate. This will give you a heads up to be able to, somewhat, prepare for it. The other option is to talk with your partner about not stopping oral stimulation before he ejaculates. I recognize this may not be the most popular, or desired, option, but hear me out. When sex is truly about connection and pleasure for all, there sometimes has to be some compromise about what happens. If the experience of gagging is leading to a less than stellar experience for one or both of you, it can definitely get in the way of connection and pleasure. The best thing about sex is that there are no set rules, so you and your partner get to decide what works best for you. That means you get to get really creative on how and when your partner gets off. Kinda makes things a little more exciting!
I wish I had a magic wand to make the gagging go away, unfortunately I just don’t. What I can offer is additional support if communicating with your partner feels a little daunting. Reach out to me today to schedule a free virtual introduction call. Peace, love, and pleasure!
Carli Guzowski is a Certified Sex Coach, Clinical Sexologist, Sexual Health, and Wellness Educator, and Pleasure/Kink Activist. She is owner of Unwinding Pleasure, where her main mission is to spread messages of peace, love, pleasure, and acceptance for all. She supports her clients in recognizing the role pleasure plays in leading a more fulfilling, empowered, healthy, and joyful life. She offers Sex/Intimacy Coaching, and Sexual Health/Wellness Education and Workshops. In her free time, Carli enjoys gardening, fast cars, adventures with her family, and sparkly boots.