Side note before I jump in. Part 2 will be my response to the second question from this submission to Your Pocket Sexpert, ‘On the other hand is it common for women to have a decrease in their sex drive?’.
When it comes to the desire to have sex, there is no set standard, or norm regarding sex drive. Truth be told, a person’s desire to have sex fluctuates for a multitude of reasons throughout their life span. Heck, it can even fluctuate within the span of a few hours. Have you ever had a massive urge to have sex, like right now, but by bedtime all you can think about is closing your eyes and going to sleep? Yeah, that desire switch can turn on and off like nobody’s business. Speaking of desire, you’ll see me using this word in place of drive. Word usage is important to me, and the word desire better fits in this context.
Sexual desire is unique to everyone, and it is completely normal for it to fluctuate up and down. There are a variety of different reasons why any one person experiences changes in their desire to have sex, either wanting it more, or wanting it less. Here are a few reasons why this happens.
Life Changes
Major, and sometimes even minor, life changes can have a big impact on sexual desire. If you have recently experienced a life change, especially ones that change your stress level, you may experience changes in desire. Stress plays a major role in our ability to want to have sex. The more stress, the more difficult it can be to get to a place where sex is desired. If the stress level goes down, the desire to have sex goes up. On the flip side, some people use sex as a stress reliever, so when the stress levels go up, so does the desire to have sex. It all depends on what role stress plays on your personal desire for sex.
Other things like having children can change a person’s desire. Having a tiny being that you are responsible for in your home is a huge adjustment. You’re more tired, probably a little more stressed, and schedules revolve now around said tiny being. The desire to have sex generally goes down in such cases. It is common, however, for some men to feel increased sexual desire seeing their partner in a new light as mom. On the flip side, having children become adults and leave the home means all that attention once on them shifts back to you and your spouse. You now have more freedom, and time, to do what you please. Including having more sex, or at least wanting to.
Health
Have you recently changed your diet and exercise habits? Eating better and exercising more can have a significant impact on your overall health, including your desire to have sex. Losing weight helps your body and your brain feel better. This leads to increased self-confidence, more frequent release of happy chemicals, and, ultimately, feeling more connected to your body.
Have you recently changed your diet and exercise habits? Eating better and exercising more can have a significant impact on your overall health, including your desire to have sex. Losing weight helps your body and your brain feel better. This leads to increased self-confidence, more frequent release of happy chemicals, and, ultimately, feeling more connected to your body.
Medication
Much like our physical wellbeing impacts our overall desire, so do certain medications we take. If you’ve recently started a new medication, had changes in medication you’re taking, or have discontinued medications, your desire could be impacted. A quick search online can tell you what medications impact your sexual health, either positively or negatively. If you have had recent changes in medications you take, depending on the change, it could be causing you to have increased desire. I am inserting a quick disclaimer here though, any questions or concerns related to your physical health, including about the medications you take, should always be directed to your doctor.
Relationship Status
When you feel good about your relationship with your partner, you desire to connect with them more, including sexually. Partners that focus on building a solid foundation and experience continued growth together desire each other more. When things like resentment, anger, frustration, and bottled-up feelings build up, sexual desire decreases. If you’ve noticed things improving in your relationship overall, chances are you are desiring sex more because you want to experience that closeness with your partner.
Solo Sex
Sometimes the old adage of ‘The more you do it, the more you want it.’ holds true. Masturbating more can lead to wanting sex more. If you are finding yourself engaging in solo sex more as of late, it may be contributing to the increased desire. Not only is it completely healthy and normal, but it is also a great stress reliever and a lovely way to explore your body.
While not an exhaustive list, these few reasons offer some insight into why men may experience increased desire for sex. In part 2 I will respond to the second question you asked: “On the other hand is it common for women to have a decrease in their sex drive?” The most important thing to remember in all of this is that there is no set standard or norm, but the norm for you is where you are right now. Still have questions? Reach out today to schedule a free, virtual, talk only, consultation call. I offer a completely judgement free space for you to ask your questions. Peace, love, and pleasure!
Carli Guzowski is a Certified Sex Coach, Clinical Sexologist, Sexual Health, and Wellness Educator, and Pleasure/Kink Activist. She is owner of Unwinding Pleasure, where her main mission is to spread messages of peace, love, pleasure, and acceptance for all. She supports her clients in recognizing the role pleasure plays in leading a more fulfilling, empowered, healthy, and joyful life. She offers Sex/Intimacy Coaching, and Sexual Health/Wellness Education and Workshops. In her free time, Carli enjoys gardening, fast cars, adventures with her family, and sparkly boots.